Lockhart's love advice
by horsegal-98
Summary: I lost the first two chapters when my account got blocked...but its back again anyway!
1. Default Chapter

Lockhart's Love Advice-Part Three-Voldemort pays a visit.  
  
Lockhart:Welcome to my chatroom, devoted to all things love. S.Snape:How do I make that sexy fox proffesor McGoganall like me, Lockhart? Lockhart:Some one like you?I mean, uh.a love potion? S.Snape:A infatuserum? Lockhart:Uh, yeah.sure. Harry Potter:Rigggghhhhhttt... Ginny:Harry.When are you coming over to visit Ron and I? Harry Potter:NEVER!MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Ginny:Right... Krum:Is Hermione here? Ginny:Hang on Im Ron, I kicked Ginny off.literally.. Harry Potter:I hope you um, didn't hurt her.what a umm.shame Ron:Don't you mean Hermie-Own- Krum? Krum:Potter email me at Bulgarian_hero@wizardways.com.bulg Ok? Harry Potter:Ok Voldemort:You don't know where I am Potter. Harry Potter:.Umm.you're actually standing in front of the fridge Voldemort:.Damn.I even bought the laptop. Ginny:I love you, please say you love me too.these three words.. Harry Potter:SHUT UP!!!!!!! Ginny:I was MADE for loving you HARRY, you were MADE for loving ME.. Harry Potter:There's no way, cos you can't pay. Ginny:A sickle? Harry Potter:Uh.no? Ginny:In the name of love, one night in the name of love. Harry Potter:Die!Just DIE!I wont give in to you. Ginny:Okay.final offer.6 knuts. 2 Sickles and a Galleon.Its our life savings.. Ron:NO!Ive got to buy a new quill! Ginny:Whats wrong with the old one? Ron:It exploded Ginny:So?Your so stupid anyway you probably cant even write Ron:Am too! Ron:Am not! Giiny:So..harry.for that much? Harry Potter:Riggghhhhttt.How about, no? Hermione:Krum!HI!HI KRUM!HI VICTOR!!!HI MY HERO!HI MY BULGERIAN HERO! Krum:What is it that you say?Riggghhhhhtttt. Harry Potter:What do you need to talk to Hermione about? Krum:I no longer want to go with a loser like that, Potter Harry Potter:Oh, yeah, I get you mate. Ron:Hey!Hermione's my friend and she is not a loser! Hermione:Well I hate to tell you but I am secretly in love with Harry. Ron:That's not a secret!Everyone knows!IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!! Ron:I mean, umm..RIGGGHHHHTTTT Ron:DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE Lockhart:That's enough!Chatrooms closed!! Ginny:I will love you, until my dying day!!! Voldemort:Its your lucky day! To be continued. 


	2. The son of Grindlewald

Lockhart's Love advice Part Four-The son of Grindelwald  
  
Lockhart: Welcome to my chat room, devoted to all things love. And a happy Valentine's Day for tomorrow! Voldie:Im really not such a bad person, I'm just mizundastood! S.Snape:Tell me about it, mate S.Snape:I mean.Uhh.die you evil, bad man! Krum: What is it that you say?Riggghhhhhtttt. Harry Potter: Oh, hi Victor Krum: Call me Vicky Harry Potter:Ok then..riiiigggghhhhttttt.. Dr Evil:Hey hey my evil dudes what's bin up in da house? Voldemort:Guess who's back S.Snape:Back again Voldemort:Grindy's back S.Snape:Tell a friend Lockhart: Guess who's back, Guess who's back, Guess who's back, Guess who's back.alright its kinda catchy! Dumping Doer:#*^% Grindelwald! Dr Evil: This is Grindelwald the second, son of Grindelwald and I have come to steal your mojo! Dumping Doer:Oh no! Not my mojo!I guess this calls for.Professor Powers! P.A.Powers:Groovy baby, yeah! Lockhart: And I suppose you think you're better looking than me? P.A.Powers:Yup! Harry Potter: I agree Hermione:Don't worry Lockhart, I think you look pretty healthy to me! Lockhart:Yup, that's right, I have my health *Professor Brendan Fraser enters room* Lockhart:Ahh..pain.pain like no other.please someone call an ambulance.I am in great pain.but I am still alive.I shall try to get up.Ow!It appears that one of my legs is broken. I shall try to stand up on the other one.Ow!That one is also broken, and I have appeared to have fractured my arm on the fall to the ground. Also I have a septic cut on my torso which is beginning to smell like almonds.perhaps if you could give me some antiseptic?Or maybe even a band-aid? P.Brendan.Fraser:I am the new defence against the dark arts teacher Abigail Pleaser: Swoon.. P.Brendan.Fraser:I teach very dark arts.I might just shorten my name to dark_hearts.you all know who I am Abigail Pleaser: I certainly do! I loved you in Mrs Winterbourne! Dark_hearts:So you watch muggle movies do you? Yes I must say my hair looks extra good in that film. Dr Evil:*Stamp* Why is noone paying any attention to me. Lockhart: This is a room about peace, feedom, and love not.you! Reign of fire: To death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dr Hannibal da Cannibal: Is this Clarice? Harry Potter:Lockhart, I have to tell you that I WANT YOU TO BE MY DARK ARTS TEACHER AGAIN GODDAMN YOU!!!!!!! Lockhart:Now Harry, you have Proffesor Fraser now.he's a very capable teacher..although not as handsome and dashing as me! Dmraalcfooy:Hhehehehe Potter is a Rotter Harry Potter:Oh shut up Malfoy Dmraalcfooy:Yoing Potter, your'e ugly, but what can we do?Everyone says you belong in a zoo!If you look in a mirror it surely will crack.So the best thing to do is wear a nice sack!!! Harry Potter:That's not even original Lockhart:Chat rooms closing!Everybody off!  
*Will Dr Evil, the son of Grindlewald steal Dumbledore's mojo?Is Proffesor Fraser better looking than Lockhart?Are Harry and Hermione finally getting together?Find out in the next chat in Lockharts Love Advice!* 


	3. Has Harry been down in the chamber of se...

Lockhart's Love Advice-Harry had spent too much time in the chamber of secrets  
  
Lockhart:Welcome to my chat room, devoted to all things love.  
  
HarryPothead:Hey, Hermione, how are you?  
  
StraightAstudent:I've been better, Harry. I just found out that my net name is the total opposite of me!  
  
HarryPothead:Well, we all know you're not straight  
  
Ronald Weasly:hahahaha!Good one Harry!  
  
HarryPothead:I'd just like to inform you of my decision to leave Gryffindor house and join the Ronald McDonald house  
  
Ronald Weasly:Poor people can join that house, cant they?  
  
Draco MA lfoy:Ha, Potter I don't need a wand to beat the crap out of you!  
  
Lockhart:I don't normally like to intrude on coversations, but just what does your screen name mean, Draco?  
  
HarryPothead:Well, that's easy. Draco master arsehole Malfoy  
  
Draco MA lfoy:You'll pay for that one Potter!I know what you did in the chamber of secrets last summer.  
  
HarryPothead:What, killed the Basilisk?  
  
Draco MA lfoy:No, played with your wand. Ahahaa! Anyway, my net name is like, Draco Ma for mature audiences. Get it?  
  
Lockhart:Not really  
  
Moony:You there, my old friend?  
  
Padfoot:You bet. But it is my deepest regret that James could not join us tonight, my friend.  
  
Moony:Too true, what what, my old deckmate.  
  
Random Dementor:*hissing noise*Let me give you the kiss!  
  
Ronald Weasly:What, are you single??  
  
Straight A student:I got a D in arithmancy!A fail!!  
  
HarryPothead:What??!  
  
Darco MA lfoy:What??!  
  
Random Dementor:Wat??!  
  
Straight A student:That's what I was trying to tell you before, Harry.  
  
HarryPothead:But we KNOW you're not straight, Hermione  
  
Straight A student:How many times do I have to tell you I'm not a member of Ta Tu??!  
  
Harry Pothead:I know the truth.  
  
Voldemort:Im sick of this whole evil crap.Im changing my name to Bob and taking up Broadway.  
  
HarryPothead:Really?  
  
Voldemort:Yeh, ive got this grand image for Titanic:The musical. You know, songs like, The ships gonna sink, we're all gonna die.  
  
Harrypothead:Riiiigggghhhhhttttt  
  
Prefect Percy:Ron, mum wants you to set the table.  
  
Ronald Weasly:Why cant you do it???!  
  
PrefectPercy:I'm really tied up with Mr Crouch right now.  
  
Ronald Weasly:Too much info, Perce  
  
Cho:Percy, will you go out with me?  
  
Prefect Percy:Im sorry, I don't really dig that kind of thing. But you know my girl, Penelope, you're welcome to her.  
  
Cho:Ronald?  
  
Ronald Weasly:No, Im saving myself for Hermione.  
  
Straight A student:Ew, gross!  
  
Cho:Lockhart?  
  
Lockhart:No sorry, Im busy tonight with my girl, mel. But Im free tomorrow.  
  
HarryPothead:I'll go out with you Cho!!!  
  
Cho:Oh, okay then. Wait!Random dementor!Are you free tonight?  
  
Random Dementor:Sure thing. Can you pick me up from Azkaban at eight?  
  
Lockhart:Chatrooms closing, everybody out. 


End file.
